Meet River
In honor of Pride Month, we want to highlight and share the story of River, our Sous Chef at Bricoleur Vineyards. River prefers to use he/him pronouns. He hopes that by sharing his story, he inspires others: "I want to share that there is a light at the end of the tunnel." This last year River reached a point where he felt the most authentic version of himself. Growing up in a small conservative town with religious, traditional Latino parents, it was not easy to get where he is now. "I fought for who I am, who I love, and I wouldn't take back a single day. It was worth it to get to where I am now."
River was forced out of the closet one Saturday afternoon in junior high school after his parents inadvertently invaded his privacy. By the next day, his parents had him go to church Sunday morning and, in a sense, 'pray the gay away.' His whole life completely changed, and he was never allowed to come out on his own terms. At the time, River had a girlfriend with whom he ultimately had to cut all contact and was no longer allowed to have female friends in general. Finally, he was forced back into the closet. His parents would push heteronormative rhetoric on him for the rest of high school. He had a boyfriend in his senior year of high school to please his family but was not pleased with himself. He describes this time in his life as 'feeling ugly inside,' wearing a dress to prom but feeling so uncomfortable, wanting nothing more than to wear a suit.
College was River's chance to distance himself from his hometown and to start discovering who he is — deciding to ditch 'Becky' (his hometown nickname) and become Becca - now River. He wanted to be different than 'Becky.' River would not hide who he was. He started Sonoma State in 2013 and met his roommate Carleigh. River and Carleigh clicked right away, and there was an obvious connection. One night River and Carleigh kissed, and there were fireworks. At this time, River was still struggling with coming to terms with his sexuality and tried to fight the connection with flirting and kissing boys. He did not come to Sonoma State to be in the closet again. He decided to be who he was and make things official with Carleigh. River and Carleigh have been together for ten years and remain happily married. Things did not ease up at the time on River because he had a girlfriend.
Although he was far from home, he felt tension, anger, and disappointment in his dorm. His family asked him to come home, saying he was 'going down the wrong path' and needed to attend church. River stood his ground and fought for himself and his relationship: "from 2013 to 2015, every day was a battle." Being from a Latino background, family is essential in his culture. He couldn't help but feel depressed, constantly struggling with his parents. Carleigh's family was much more accepting of the relationship, and River's parents did not want to accept the relationship at all, causing Carleigh to feel unwanted by River's family. While still in school, one Christmas break River decided he wanted to spend it at his girlfriend's home rather than alone. That devastated his parents, urging him to come home immediately. He told his parents, "I'm not coming back home if you're not going to accept me." This broke his mom's heart, but she told River to enjoy Christmas. His relationship with his mom was a bit rocky after that, but now River says they are way better and she accepts his relationship.
In 2019 River and Carleigh got engaged! River's partner thought the relationship with River's parents would be more straightforward now that they were legally married. But River's father still struggled to accept River's relationship. He did not attend the wedding in 2020, and River's brother walked him down the aisle. River's dad said this went against his church and he could not participate. River entered the conversation calmly, clearly stating that this would be his only wedding and his relationship with his father would be altered. River was happy his brother, mother, and aunts could attend. His mother did share a concern about how life will treat River as a queer person, saying, "I love you no matter what. I'm scared of how cruel the world is." River assured his mom, "I feel beautiful, I love a beautiful person, I'm not afraid."
River began his career in the kitchen, which is typically male-dominated. At the time, River exhibited more feminine traits and felt harassed by some of his colleagues. He recounts male coworkers making inappropriate comments and gestures, ultimately not creating a comfortable space for him. Coworkers even denied the legitimacy of River's marriage.
He was in a toxic work environment for two years. Thankfully, he was able to exit that environment and begin at Bricoleur Vineyards in 2020. His time at Bricoleur Vineyards was a completely different experience. River shares, "The Bricoleur family helped me realize I can be a strong individual." He changed his pronouns and began presenting in a way that is comfortable for him. He felt as if gender did not limit him and describes himself as a person with a big heart, a giver trying his best to get through the world like everyone else. He feels fortunate to work where he feels comfortable expressing himself. He never received pushback once he started — he has always been included in this company. He is happy to be ending his 20s feeling truly himself.
River hopes that by sharing his story it will help educate people that the queer community deserves the right to be themselves just like anyone else. He wants everyone to be happy in their own skin — no one deserves to wake up and feel ashamed.
At Bricoleur Vineyards, River is a loved and respected chef. Many of his dishes are guests' favorites and his pasta brings joy to all who try it. We feel lucky to have him.
